


A Sadness Runs Through Him

by Natari_55



Category: South Park
Genre: A bit blood, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Bad Ending, Cryle Week, Cryle Week 2020, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Heidi and Bebe appear for a short time, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Sad, Stenny is just a Minor ship!, i guess, i listened to sad songs almost all the time, sorry but i love sad endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natari_55/pseuds/Natari_55
Summary: Cryle Week 2020, Day 5: FlowersFlowers are a beautiful present from nature and yet the cause for the most deaths. In a world where a deadly disease named Hanahaki is famous for killing unrequited love Craig Tucker takes daily care of his garden. He got rid of his deadly flowers, paying the price of never feeling any kind of love again. One day five students move in next to him and one of them, a certain redhead, is by his side every day.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Craig Tucker, Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	A Sadness Runs Through Him

**Author's Note:**

> Cryle Week 2020, Day 5: Flowers
> 
> Hello my dears!
> 
> This is my very first, posted, fanfiction that I finished on specially for Cryle Week 2020!  
> I would have been able to post it in time but I didn't know that ya need an invitation for AO3 T_T
> 
> Warning: Not Beta read! So write me when ya find any mistakes, specially because english isn't my mother tongue.
> 
> Have fun! :D
> 
> By the way! I'm currently looking for Beta Readers for two Works in Progress!  
> Interested? More information in the notes at the end!

Love. A simple word that exist in every language of the world and in every language it’s a word that promises a feeling of warmth, passion but also heartbreak. To be honest, heartbreak is the most common feeling that comes along with the feeling of love. Everyone was heartbroken in their life at least once, most people were more heartbroken than actually able to feel real, mutual love in their miserable short lives. Because even when that love is returned it often enough leads to break up and more often than not the love won’t be returned and a sad crush is all that is left. That’s why it’s called a crush; it crushes your heart and hurts you in the worst way possible.

But just because your feelings aren’t returned you won’t die, right? You will get over it, live through another few crushes before finding that one person you can spend the rest of your life with. But you’re wrong, because sometimes unrequited love is deadly and will kill you in the most painful way possible.

And that’s exactly what this story is about. The consequences that love brings along.

Craig Tucker lived a normal life in Colorado, he worked as a bartender in a rather famous gay bar and he enjoyed working there. It was a classy bar, no loud enduring music but soft jazz and no crazy dancing people, instead costumers who liked the quiet and talked about boring stuff instead of screaming at each other. He had his own house where he lived alone, enjoying the loneliness while taking care of his flowers in the garden and front yard, his only real passion. Once in a while women stopped to flirt with him while he was outside and took care of his Forget-Me-Nots or Daffodils, some also flirted in the bar with him but they never actually got his interest. Craig was gay, always was and always will be, it was always like that.

In the society Craig lived in many people hated flowers, they feared them and wanted to stay as far away from them as possible. Every flower was a flower of death because each and every one of them could kill someone but it never was the flower’s fault. Love was at fault, love and the foolish idea of being happy with someone else. And Craig dealt with it himself when he was younger, barely old enough to get rid of this dreading feeling inside his chest, of the painful flowers blooming inside him. But he did and he had to pay for it.

It was a sunny day in spring and the noirette was in his front yard, wearing gloves and a sunhat to protect his skin from the sun. He was Peruvian and had tanned skin and everyone thought it was hard for him to get sunburn but they were wrong and he really didn’t want to deal with red skin. He was plucking the weed that disturbed the calm picture of his flowers when a big van stopped in front of the house next to his. He raised an eyebrow and glanced up from his kneeling position when he noticed a pickup parking in front of the garage. Of course Craig knew that those must have been his new neighbors, the house next to his was empty for a long time and was sold at a ridiculous low price for a big house like that. It was much bigger than Craig’s own so a family with children must have moved in and that was something the easily annoyed black haired man wasn’t looking forward to.

He was ready to growl out when he saw the first person stepping out of the moving vehicle but hold it back when instead of some middle aged guy he saw a young looking blonde. The newcomer stretched while walking to the back and soon after another blonde climbed out, he must be the same age. To Craig’s surprise a third person got out, this one was the same age, too, but he caught Craig’s eyes because he was much… bigger than the others. The blonde who first got out opened the moving van and displayed a load of cartons that were named with stuff like ‘Kitchen’, ‘bathroom’ and some names.

Craig sat more up, now openly watching the young men, they couldn’t be much older than the beginning of twenty. A loud smash caught Craig’s attention and he noticed two other men that got out of the pickup. One of them was well build with straight black hair, he was wearing a college jacket of the near university. Of course, college students. The other men, a pale redhead groaned when he moved his arms to lose them a bit up from a probably long ride. “Okay Stan,” the redhead said while looking at the black haired student. “I will call my mom and then help you all with moving the cartons inside, okay?”

“Sure, call your Mommy to calm her nerves, I bet she’s already calling the police because her ‘small Bubbeleh’ didn’t contact her yet,” mocked the taller guy whose name seemed to be Stan.

“Haha, you’re so funny, asshole,” scoffed the green eyed young man with a smile while getting out his phone and sitting back into the car. That was when the dark blue eyes of Craig met the brighter blue eyes of Stan who grinned and walked up to him. Great, he probably wanted to greet him and ask for some help or bullshit like that. So instead of being polite and standing up, reaching out his hand Craig decided to look down and continue to take care of his flowers, hoping that the younger would get the message and just leave him alone.

“Hey!”

He didn’t get the message.

Craig sighed into his hand before looking up at the other and then finally standing up, groaning lightly when he felt the pain in his knees. “Hello,” he mumbled lightly while looking the man up and down, noticing the firm muscles under the shirt he wore.

“Hey!” The stranger repeated his former greeting, beaming at his new neighbors with a bright smile on his lips and stretching out his hand. “My name’s Stanley but you can call me Stan.”

“Craig,” answered the gloomy man while taking off one of his gloves to shake the other’s hand in a friendly, yet annoyed, manner. “So you five bought the house here…?”

“Yeah, we found it online and paid for it together. It was a very low price for such a big house that we had to get it!” Explained Stan to Craig while moving his hands around in the hopeless attempt to visualize his explaining. “Do you want to come in and have a beer with us?”

“Don’t you need to get those cartons inside and unpack?”

“Naaaah,” Stan waved this off while shaking his head lightly, “We could all need a small break for now, I bet the others would be glad to have a reason for a cold beer.” Craig thought it over for a second, he always wanted to get into the giant house and like that he could easily decide if the students would turn into an annoyance in the future.

“Sure,” he shrugged while taking off the other glove and hat, placing them on the ground for now knowing that no one would be stupid enough to steal them.

“Great!” Stan lightly patted Craig’s arm, the student was slightly smaller than him but had a more well build body and the letterman jacket told Craig that he must be a football player. The smaller man led him into the house after glancing to the pickup and noticing that the other wasn’t sitting inside there anymore. He opened the door and walked in, Craig still behind him, and revealed a big entrance area with stairs right next to the door, leading upstairs. “Guys! Come here, we have a visitor and it’s time for a beer break!”

“Finally beer!” Yelled one of the blondes happily, he came running with the other two who drove in the van with them behind him. The blonde had a plaster over the bridge of his nose and missed a teeth, his hair was put up into a man bun to keep his vision clear. “Yo!” He came to a halt in front of Craig and grabbed a beer. “Name’s Kenny, but ya can call me Ken when ya want.” Kenny winked lightly before leading the head of the beer to his mouth and opening it with his teeth. That would explain the missing tooth.

“My name is Butters!” Chirped the smaller one in a shy way, he hold his hand out to shake Craig’s but Kenny placed a beer in it instead. “Nice meetin’ you.” Butter smiled at the noirette and Craig noticed that he faint scar could be seen over his left eye, he didn’t mention it thou and soon got distracted by the third person entering the area.

“Cartman,” grunted the biggest of them all, the brunette seemed to already be worn out from the few cartons they carried inside.

“But you can call him Fatass,” mentioned Kenny with a mischievous grin.

“Ay!” Cartman growled lightly, still trying to catch his breath. “Fuck you, Kinny!” The brunette grabbed a beer for himself and tried to open it but gave up, Kenny took it from him and opened it for him with his mouth again.

“Where’s Kyle?” Asked Stan while looking around and giving Craig one of the freshly opened beers.

“Coming!” Craig looked up at the voice, the redhead came running down the stairs and his red curls moved from the small jumps he made while hurrying down. His green eyes locked with the ones of Craig and a small smile grew on the slim lips. “My name is Kyle, nice meeting you,” the redhead hold out his light freckled hand and Craig shook it with a light nod in his direction.

“Hey, I’m Craig Tucker, I live next door,” explained the noirette while letting go of Kyle’s hand and putting it in the pocket of his trouser instead. “So, I guess you five are students?” He locked around, the five formed a small circle around him so they could all talk to him more easily.

“Nope, I’m not, I work at the service station and repair cars,” mentioned Kenny while sipping on his beer.

“But the rest of us are!” Stan clarifies, his beer already half empty, “We all go to the same university but take different courses. I got a sport scholarship for playing football, hope to be one of the big guys one day.” A wide grin grew on the black haired man before downing the rest of his beer.

“I’m a student in natural science,” Butters said, he didn’t take a sip from his beer yet and seemed like he didn’t plan to in the next few minutes. He looked like the type who didn’t really like beer but went along when someone handed them out.

“My field is psychology,” bragged Cartman, a proud teeth showing smirk on his face, “I hope to get rich with the money I could get with this and one day turn into a politician and get all those idiots to work for me.” Wow, this child should probably check himself first before checking and analyzing others.

Craig noticed that the last one stayed silent so he turned to him. Kyle was looking at the beer in his hand before Craig talked to him. “And you?”

“Pff, Kahl got the lamest of them all,” mocked Cartman who earned a slam of Stan’s fist against his shoulder. “What?! It’s true, who’s interested in Hanahaki anyway?”

“Hanahaki?” Asked Craig while looking at Cartman, his face turning back to the redhead when he heard a sigh. Not many people kept checking on the well known illness, saying that it didn’t make sense and that no money should be throw out to find a cure. “I actually think that’s interesting.”

Green eyes shot up and stared at the tanned man, a light shining in them like the sun that got reflected. “Really?” Kyle was unsure, not knowing if he could trust the stranger yet, maybe he wanted to make fun of him just like Cartman.

A nod confirmed Craig’s interest. “I have a lot of flowers in my garden and… I had the sickness myself.”

“Really?!” Everyone almost yelled at the same time, all of them shocked.

“So you’re married?”

A lightly humored chuckled escaped the chapped lips of Craig, he shook his head lightly while playing with the loose paper around the glass bottle. “Nope.” A knowing silence started to fill the room when everyone understood what exactly those words meant.

“Oh… I’m sorry…” Craig didn’t know who mumbled it but he could hear the sympathy in the voice, the sympathy he was so sick of.

“Don’t, I’m glad I got those damn flowers out of my lungs.”

“But-“

“I’m not stupid enough to die for some stupid crush I had in High School,” grumbled the blackhead, looking back up at the students and then locking eyes with Kyle. “I accepted it long before those flowers were gone, long before the surgery actually took place. “ When no one replied to him and an uncomfortable silence started to fill the air around them Craig coughed lightly before fast emptying the bottle. “I should leave now. Welcome to the neighborhood.” Without waiting for an answer Craig was gone, leaving behind five shocked students, five young people who still believe in this stupid thing named love.

The next time Craig saw one of them again was at work, around ten pm. He was cleaning a glass behind the bar, wearing a white button up shirt and a black vest over it, the button were silver and the black slacks were showing off his long legs.

“Hey, can I sit here?” A known voice sounded up and when Craig looked up from his glass he saw the redhead sitting in front of him. He had his hair styled a bit and wore a blue button up, pants holder were holding his own pair of slacks up and a black jacket was folded over his lap.

“Sure, you can sit wherever you want,” Craig explained before putting the now clean glass down and leaning closer to Kyle, the meaning that the redhead was here could mean just one thing. Kyle was gay. “I need your I.D. when you want to order something.”

Kyle lifted his behind a bit from the bar stool he sat on to pull out his leather wallet and show his I.D. to Craig. The Student was 21 and with that old enough to order any alcoholic drink he wanted. “A Martini, please,” Kyle smiled lightly while watching Craig who, before turning around to get the needed stuff, gave him back the little card. The blackhead put the filled glass down in front of the redhead and watched his delicate hand lifting it up to take a sip. A soft exhale left Kyle’s lips and he relaxed in his seat. “Thanks.”

Craig shrugged lightly before taking a new glass to make in shine again. “It’s my job.”

“Sooo,” Kyle started, leaning a bit forward and placing the drink back on the bar to rest his head in one of his hands. “You working here means…?”

“The same for you coming here, I guess,” confirmed Craig while looking down at the glass he was cleaning, making sure no spot is dirtied. “Here to get some guy?”

“Nah, I just wanted to relax a bit and knew the others, mostly Cartman, wouldn’t follow me to a gay bar…” confessed Kyle while watching the other work. “I stood outside for some time and watched you, you smiled at the men sitting over there.” The redhead nodded his head to the right where two men were sitting and talking. “Do you always flirt with guests?”

“They give me a better tip then, when they think I’d want them in my sheet I mean,” explained the taller man while placing the glass under the bar and instead started to clean the smooth surface.

“And why didn’t you flirt with me? I may give you a big tip for it!” Exclaimed Kyle with a soft smile.

“Well, you know about me not being able to love, so why try?” Craig glanced up at Kyle and noticed him looking down a bit sad. “Say, what’s the reason you wanna find out more about Hanahaki? Lost someone to it?”

Kyle shook his head softly, placing both his arms on the surface and sighing lightly. “Not yet… A friend of mine has it… she told me a bit ago, she’s in the first stage at the moment…”

“And you think in less than six month you will be able to find a cure?” Craig scoffed lightly, he heard a lot of stories already, people dreaming about finding a cure only to fail over and over again and give up. His friend Token was one of them, he’s a doctor who planned to find a way to heal Hanahaki, after four years he gave up because his team didn’t make any progress.

“No, I know I can’t and… It’s scary to me…” The voice of Kyle was almost inaudible and the bartender was able to hear the suffering and sadness out of it. He didn’t comment on it and the redhead continued. “I know she will die.. Almost every one of us knows except Eric. We know when it will happen and we can’t do anything against it, I feel so useless, you know?”

“Yeah… I guess,” Craig looked at the body that was slumped together over the counter, watching every little move the younger man made. “How about surgery?”

Red curls moved swiftly when Kyle shook his head to the option and he put his head on his folded arms on the bar, looking directly at Craig. “She doesn’t want to and I can understand her. What’s a life worth when you can’t love? There’s a reason so many people commit suicide after the surgery.”

“I’m Okay.”

“How old were you when you got it?”

“18, I got the surgery on my birthday when I was in the fourth stage of Hanahaki. I’m 26 now and never thought about killing myself or bullshit like that,” informs the blackhead the other with a monotone voice.

“Yeah, then you’re one of the rare people who are able to deal with it but most people can’t stand it,” hissed Kyle a bit annoyed, his drink empty by now. “But Wendy, my friend, she says she wouldn’t survive long in a world without love…”

“Well, she definitely won’t survive one with love.”

“Shut up!” Spat Kyle, sitting up properly now and looking at the other angry, his eyebrows furrowed to show his emotion. “How can you say something like this?!”

“Well, she’s the dumb one for doing this.”

“Fuck you!” Kyle placed the bill for the drink on the counter before standing up. “How can you be so-!”

“Heartless?”

A loud groan erupted Kyle’s throat while he put on the jacket before leaving the building angry, stomping outside and leaving Craig behind. With a huff the black haired man took the money from the counter and sighed loudly. “No tip.”

It took two whole months till Kyle talked to Craig again, his anger finally letting down on the older man who was taking care of his flowers in the front yard again. Craig was kneeling down on the ground to check on his flowers when a shadow from behind him took the light away. When he turned around he saw the redhead standing over him, lightly bend down and leaning on his knees to examine what Craig was doing. The latter raised an eyebrow at him before standing up, noticing how the smaller was lightly struggling with himself.

“I’m sorry for reacting so… extreme the last time we spoke. That was really immature from me and I want to apologize,” Kyle wasn’t looking at him, instead he glanced to the side to avoid any eye contact.

A loud and heavy breath was let loose of Craig before he scratched the back of his head. “It’s okay, I wasn’t really nice either, I should apologize.”

“Okay, well?”

Craig looked confused at the smaller man who was wearing Stan’s letterman jacket.

“I’m waiting for the apology.”

A light snort left Craig’s nose and he shook his head lightly before looking at Kyle again. “I’m sorry.”

Kyle smiled up at him. “Apology accepted!” He visibly relaxed and bit his lower lip when it got silent around them. “So, you have a lot of flowers.”

At that the black eyebrows of Craig raised up. “How do you know?”

“I watched you, my room is on the side of your garden and ehm… I can see you working in there everyday.”

“You watched me?”

“N-Not in a creepy way!” Kyle fast added, his face turning a light pink and he moved his hands around to explain fast. “I just noticed you some day and it was then that I noticed all those different flowers that grow and bloom in your garden! And well… I hoped you can show me around?”

“Show you around? So you like flowers?”

“I- I don’t know? Maybe, all plants I take care of die in less than a week, maybe you could give me some advice and help me raise some?” Kyle cringed lightly when hearing those words and he groaned softly. “Like, you know, that I have at least one flower or plant in my room.”

“Ehm…” Craig thought about it for a bit, he didn’t know Kyle for long, yes they were neighbors but that was it. They didn’t talk much simply because they don’t meet up often, Craig only being outside to take care of his flowers and Kyle just leaving for College or to buy something. And then there was this fight they had the last few months. On the other hand, what could possibly happen? When Kyle thought about doing something stupid Craig could easily knock him out, the redhead was smaller and weaker than him. “I- Sure, yeah, why not?”

“Great!” The redhead beamed at him, a grin wide on his lips. “I have some free time now so…?”

“Oh, yeah. Follow me,” The taller man kneeled down to get his garden tools from the ground before turning around to the entrance door of his house. He opened the not locked door fast and stepped inside, telling Kyle to clean his shoes before following through the freshly cleaned house. When that was done he led him through the living room into the kitchen where a sliding glass door led into the garden. He could hear Kyle gasp once they stepped outside.

The garden was one of the most colorful ones the redhead had ever seen. He could always look at it from his room but it was never as impressive as being in the middle of it, surrounded by all kind of flowers. Craig started to walk again and while doing so he named out most of the plants that surrounded them, explaining their meanings. Roses were obviously for love but Craig also mentioned that the darker red ones stand for despair and white ones for purity; he explained that lilies are for death, innocence and hope, a lot of contradictory meanings.

In the time Kyle was over he was able to learn that not only the flower itself was important for the symbolism but also the color, that each color could define something different. Kyle kept asking about the different flowers that grew in the garden and to each and everyone he had a meaning and a way to take care of. When Kyle wouldn’t have known better he would have said that Craig loved flowers, but he knew that this was impossible and yet he dared to voice his thoughts. “You must love them or, have loved them, right?”

“No,” Craig said to the redhead’s surprise, “I hate them, they ruined my life after all.”

“But… Why having a garden full of them?”

“Because they’re expressing emotions I’m unable to feel, they tell stories only few can understand. Flowers almost killed me and yet I need them to live,” explained Craig while staring at some lilac that were growing by his fence and when he looked over to Kyle there was another soft blush under the freckles.

“Oh… And thanks to you I can understand them now… Thank you, Craig,” Kyle mumbled just loud enough that he other could hear him. “So, what is a flower that most likely won’t day when I take care of it?”

Craig thought for a bit, rummaging his memories about the perfect flower for someone who just starts with gardening, one that can be in a vase. “An orchid, they don’t need that much water and therefore it’s not that bad when you forget them for a bit.” While talking he nodded to himself before locking eyes with Kyle again who nodded along.

“Okay, then I will buy one this week, thanks,” He smiled again at him and then looked down at his hands. “Ehm, the boys and I we want to make a small BBQ Party next month when the weather is warmer, to celebrate our moving in after the final carton from home arrived here. I- I mean we want you to come.” Shyly the redhead looked back up, a little bit of hope glimmering in the emerald orbs that he had as eyes and without noticing Craig found himself nodding again.

“Sure, sounds good,” He accepted the invitation with another nod at the smaller man. “Just name me a date and time and I’ll be there, as long as I don’t have to work of course.”

“Cool! Sounds great, I can give you my number to send you everything..?”

“Yeah, good idea,” mentioned Craig while already pulling out his phone and watching Kyle getting his out, too. He had a briefcase with a Star Of David on it and Craig raised a brow at it. “Are you Jewish?” he asked before he could stop himself.

“What?” The redhead looked down at his case and chuckled lightly. “Yeah, Cartman always makes fun of me for it but I learned to ignore it.”

“Asshole.”

“Yeah…,” Kyle hummed lightly before looking at Craig’s phone to copy his number in his contact. “Okay, now a picture.”

“What do you need a picture for?”

“For your contact, of course,” amused Kyle rolled his eyes while getting next to Craig, he hold up his phone and took a selfie with the lightly grumpy looking man. “Wow, beautiful,” he mocked while writing down the name of the blackhead and glancing at him with a smirk.

“Very Funny, don’t forget that you’ll need me once your Orchid is dying.”

“Naaah, don’t say that!” The whiney noise of Kyle made Craig chuckle in amusement. “Send me the picture so I can use it for your profile, too.”

“Will do!” Kyle checked his phone and winced lightly. “I have to leave now, promised Stan to watch some football game with him.”

“Yeah, sure. Have fun,” said Craig while putting his phone away.

“Thanks!” Kyle smiled and turned around to leave but before he could walk through the glass door Craig called out to him again.

“Hey, is he your boyfriend?”

“Who? Stan?” A nod from Craig and Kyle chuckled lightly. “No, he has two of those jackets and gave me one, it’s comfortable so I wear it. He’s in a relationship with Kenny,” explained the redhead before his phone vibrated. “I really have to leave now. I will come to the bar again, write me your schedule and this time I will give you a tip!” He almost yelled while walking inside, waving the older man before he couldn’t see him anymore.

Craig hummed lightly to himself and decided to take care of some flowers before walking back to the front yard. He was checking his roses when he could feel his phone vibrate and saw a message from a number, a photo sent with it.

_Thanks again for today, it was really interesting. See you in the bar!_  
_Kyle_

Craig read the message and put the redhead in his contacts before going back to work.

Time passed on and Kyle held his little promise to visit Craig almost every day at work, the black haired man noticed the fixed gaze on him most of the time but simply ignored him. When he worked in the garden to take care of his flowers he looked up from time to time and more often than not found Kyle watching him from the window. Sometimes he tried to hide and other times he simply smiled and waved his new gained friend in a friendly manner. Kyle also got his Orchid which survived surprisingly to the redhead who swore that until then all kind of flowers died under his watch.

Over the month Craig and Kyle got closer, they sometimes met up for work and the younger man talked about his studies, about the Hanahaki Disease and that he still didn’t have any new information. No one could explain how those flowers could blossom inside a person or where they even come from, it was ridiculous that something like unrequited love could kill you.

One evening, when Kyle was sitting in a small café with Craig to have some lunch, it was both their free day, the redhead mentioned something rather interesting. “So, unrequited love, right? But how does the sickness even know that it’s unrequited?”

Craig looked up from his sandwich and raised an eyebrow at his friend, some content of the sandwich falling out at the end and he cursed silently. “What do you mean?”

“Okay, let me try to explain,” Kyle’s eyes were taped on a serviette and mirrored an intelligence Craig had only seen in his friend Token, “Does the sickness react through thoughts of rejection? Like, what happens when you get Hanahaki because your crush doesn’t love you, or at least you think they don’t but in reality your crush actually has a crush on you, too? The moment that is revealed the whole situation changes, the flowers begin to dissolve and you’re saved but what when it doesn’t get revealed and both get Hanahaki?” The red eyebrows of the student where raised up, almost into his hairline and he was not looking at the man sitting across from him who was still struggling with his sandwich.

“Kyle, what do you want to tell me with that?” grumbled the blackhead while putting the fallen out tomato back on his sandwich, wincing when he got some of the mayonnaise on his fingers.

“Hanahaki is not a physical disease!” Beamed Kyle, lightly leaning over the table to get Craig’s attention away from the sandwich and instead on him. “Yes, the body is harmed in the process but in the end it is mentally because our thoughts of not being loved are creating those flowers. We convince ourselves of all this pain and hopelessness that we kill ourselves!”

“This… actually sounds logical, yeah,” Craig admits before biting in his sandwich again. “So, in what way did this help you?”

“Don’t you get it?!” A raised brow and a face that said ‘duh’ was all the answer Kyle needed. “The solution could be right in front of us, maybe all we need to do is convince our brain that our crush actually likes us but is too shy to tell us! People could get time to fall in love with someone who actually loves them.” White rows of healthy teeth were shown off when Kyle grinned happily, and a bit proud could be seen in his eyes, too.

“Yeah but that’s the way psychopaths are born, right? Thinking that the person they love actually loves them? And what when the crush is happily in a relationship?”

The student slang down in his seat again, looking at the ceiling while thinking about this. “Yeah okay, I need to work a bit more on that part but like, maybe at least the whole process can be slowed down by this.”

“And also, when this all is a mental thing and not a body one, why is it enough to get the flowers out and why can’t those people feel any love for the rest of their lives?” Craig finished his sandwich and wiped his hands clean with one of the serviettes Kyle was staring at before. He glanced at the redhead again and watched him think more about all this before a loud sigh came out of his mouth.

“Like I said, it takes some time to get an actual way to deal with it but I still think I’m on the right way, you know? I really think that this is the direction we need to go to find a solution for this bullshit,” confessed the redhead, sighing again at the end of the sentence.

“Well, don’t worry your pretty little head too much about this, at least you’re one of the first who actually got this idea.” At Craig’s words a slight flush ran over Kyle’s cheeks, making them stand out and look hot like lava under the ground. The two fast changed the topic and kept talking till it got dark outside and walked home together. When Kyle coughed a bit on their walk home Craig told him to go to a doctor when it gets worse.

Soon the month was over and Craig found himself in his bedroom to look for something to wear for the BBQ Party he was invited to. Most of his clothes existed for work at the bar or in his garden, the rest to relax at home on his days off or for after work. He did however found some clothes at the very back of his dresser and he had luck because it was a rather hot day and the clothes seemed to be thin enough. He put on black wide shorts and a white tank top, hoping that the others didn’t want anything formal for him to wear, it was too hot for that.

Craig put his phone into the pocket of his trouser and put on some shoes before walking over with a present in his hands. When he ringed the doorbell a woman with black hair opened the door and looked at him confused before realization flooded her face. “You must be Craig!” She beamed lightly while holding out her hand with a soft smile. “I’m Wendy, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

An eyebrow raised on Craig’s face while shaking her hand. “Thanks? Ehm, what do you mean with finally?”

Wendy chuckled amused and held a hand in front of her mouth in a try to hide it. “Kyle can’t stop talking about you,” she explained while leading him inside and closing the door behind her, walking through the house towards the garden. “I remember him ranting about you when you had a fight with him about me, that I should get surgery because of my Hanahaki.”

A faint blush crept over Craig’s face when he heard that, now remembering who exactly she is. “Oh shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-“

The woman fast held her hand up and shook her head lightly, demanding him softly to stop talking. “It’s okay, I know that a lot of people think like that and I can’t hate someone simply because he has his own opinion and… You had your own experience with the disease, Stan told me so there’s really no need to apologize.” A small smile was on her lips and they stopped at the open door that led into the garden of the five students. “Guys! Craig is here!”

“Hey!” All of them almost screamed and Kyle came jogging over, thanking Wendy for opening the door for them. She nodded and walked to where Butters and Cartman were sitting. That’s when Craig started to look around at the people, there were two more girls who were sitting around a garden table. One of them had wavy blonde hair and was currently sipping on a beer while the other girl had brown straight her, looking a bit shy at the blonde one next to her.

“Hello,” Craig finally opened his mouth and paid attention to the redhead next to him. “I eh, got some present for you. Nothing special just something small.” Feeling a little weird Craig handed Kyle the present over who smiled happily and a tiny bit surprised.

“Oh thanks but you really didn’t need to,” chuckled the student while eyeing the object in his hand and slowly opening it without asking the others to look. Under the wrapping paper was a donut maker and Kyle stared at it for a bit before chuckling again. “Thank you, I bet the others will love it! I will put it in the kitchen and surprise the guys tomorrow with some fresh donuts,” exclaimed the redhead with a toothy grin before entering the house again. “Go to the others and get introduced!”

With a soft sigh Craig walked over to the table where everyone was sitting except Stan and Wendy, they were standing at the grill and take care of the meat while talking. Craig coughed lightly and the others looked up at him with a questioning look. Kenny finally stood up and grinned at him. “Craig! You made it!” He leaned down into a cooling box and walked over to his neighbor, pushing a cold beer inside his hands that cooled Craig almost as good as ice. “May I introduce you to our charming ladies, well, except Wendy because you know here already.” The blonde wrapped an arm around the slighty taller man’s shoulder and gestured to the blonde woman. “That’s Bebe, a charming lady who studies fashion.” He gained a giggle of the woman before turning to the other one. “And that cutie is Heidi, she studies micro biology.” A soft ‘hey’ could be heard from Heidi before she hid her red face behind Bebe. “Ladies, this good looking man here is Craig, our neighbor.”

Craig waved lightly at them before he sat down into the plastic chair next to Bebe simply because it was the closest. They fell back into their former conversation of fashion and how horrible Heidi Klum looked in the dress she wore at the red carpet. Soon the chat was turned into some kind of fight between Cartman and the blonde after he made a sexist comment about all women belonging into the kitchen. In the middle of the fight the chair next to Craig moved and Kyle sat down in it, smiling lightly and leaning a bit close to Craig. “What did I miss?”

A small shrug erupted from Craig’s shoulder before answering. “They’re fighting over some stupid comment the fatass made.” Kyle snickered at that and listened to the discussion, soon Heidi and also Butters joined, all of them against Cartman of course. Craig and Kyle started to whisper about what was happening, giving their own thoughts about it and snickering together. When Craig’s stomach growled, he didn’t eat anything till then because he wasn’t hungry before, Stan placed plates with meat and other stuff on the table, Wendy helping him. The black haired men sat down next to Kenny, gaining a kiss from his boyfriend and Craig saw Kenny placing his hand on Stan’s thigh.

“Okay guys!” Stan almost yelled, already having some more beer in his body than the others. He held his arm with another one up, black sweatbands covering his wrist and Craig wondered if it wasn’t hot under them. “On our new house! Cheerio!”

“Cheerio!” The others joined with holding their drinks up before taking some gulps, Craig enjoyed the coldness running down his throat and finished his beer fast. They all ate while talking about different topics and soon most of them were buzzed or drunk, enjoying the day and the good food. When it started to get dark and the night revealed its true nature of being colder than the day, Stan and Kenny got up and started a camp fire. Craig watched them a bit, noticing how lovely dovey they were and he turned back to Kyle who was laughing at drunk Butters who was talking about his times as Professor Chaos.

“Hey,” Craig placed a hand on the redhead’s arm to get his attention, “Say… Stan and Kenny, you know, did one of them…?”

Kyle shook his head, looking at his friend with a clear fondness in his eyes. “Nah, both got their feelings for one another almost at the same time and when Kenny confessed Stan confessed, too. That was in High School, they’re inseparable since then and so happy.” The red haired man hummed lightly, holding another beer in his hand and looking down at it a bit shy and embarrassed. “Sometimes I’m jealous of them.”

“Why?”

“Because… well, you know,” Kyle glanced at the other and sighed lightly when he only got a perplexed look. “Because they have each other, are in love and all this stuff, I want this too, what they have. I mean, look at them,” He gestured with his beer in their direction and when Craig glanced at them he saw Kenny holding Stan close and kissing his head over and over again, smiling happily and making Stan giggle lightly. “I want that, too.”

“Hm,” was the only noise Craig could make, he couldn’t feel the jealousy Kyle felt because something like relationships didn’t care for him, they weren’t important anymore. After the surgery he noticed that everything that was about love simply seemed bored and unnecessary. Why burden yourself with something like this, something that will bring most people only pain and some death. No, he wasn’t so stupid and kind of glad not to be able to feel this.

The evening went on and soon everyone sat around the camp fire, Stan sitting on Kenny’s lap with the blondes arm around his waist. Cartman was laughing at something dumb only he found funny and Heidi leaned against Bebe’s shoulder and listened to Kyle playing the guitar and the others singing along. Everyone was happy and had fun, smiling brightly and drunkenly into the fire that crackled into the night, illuminating them in the warm light. For once in a long time Craig felt warm in a way he didn’t for a long time, he felt comfortable about those people. Everything was perfect but then Wendy started coughing heavily, standing up from her seat and loudly heaving for air. Suddenly flowers, blood sprinkled over them, flew into the fire and she fast turned around to not face the others, shielding them from seeing her like that.

Craig recognized the Anthurium that lay on the ground, looking innocent except for the blood that surrounded them. After a few seconds of shock Stan, Kenny and Bebe jumped to their feet to get to their gagging friend, trying to somehow help her. When Craig glanced over at Kyle he noticed his face of utter shock, almost traumatized. His green eyes were wide open and he started to tremble heavily. That was when Cartman shot up, asking for what is happening, why no one told him that Wendy had ‘That fucking flower sickness’ and Craig understood. But instead of doing something he turned back to Kyle who was still watching, his body sometimes twitching in horror. The older man fast got up and pulled the younger one along, leading him inside and then to the front door where he grabbed a thin jacked. He opened the door and got outside with Kyle, wrapping the jacket around his shoulder and slowly sitting down at the street on the sidewalk.

Without thinking about it he wrapped his arm around Kyle’s shoulder, pulling him close and whispering into his hair when he started to sob lightly. “…It’s Cartman, right?” Craig mumbled and got a nod in return, a soft sigh leaving his mouth and traveling over Kyle’s red curls. This was a mess. “…And he doesn’t return the feeling?” A shake of his head. “Damn..”

“I… I talked with Cartman a while ago to find out if he has secretly feeling for her but… That would mean…”

“That he’d have Hanahaki, too, but he’s completely healthy.”

“…Yeah,” Kyle whispered to himself, almost impossible for Craig to hear. For comfort the redhead snuggled closer to Craig, wanting his arms to hold him for just a bit, till he calmed down. “…Can I ask you something?” A slight hum could be heard from the other’s throat. “…Who was it in your case…?”

Silence, the whole world seemed to be silent for a few seconds and Kyle already gave up to return an answer when Craig started to talk. “Tweek Tweak, a blonde boy I grew up with. He was in the same friend circle as me, or I should say he still is, we never stopped being friends. I was seventeen when the first flowers came through, Irises, they stand for-“

“Creativity and energy,” Kyle interrupted suddenly, proving that he always listened to Craig when he talked about stuff like that. “Sorry, didn’t mean to..”

“It’s okay, nice to hear that you actually listen to me when I bombard you with facts about flowers.” A small chuckle escaped Kyle’s throat. “So yeah, Irises, I was shocked because I always was like ‘I won’t be like those fools and fall in love only to die when my feelings aren’t returned’ and suddenly exactly that happened. I didn’t even notice falling in love, it just happened because Tweek he… he was so perfect to me, you know? But I didn’t want to die, I loved Tweek but I loved my life more so instead of choosing a painful death for nothing I chose to live a life. I chose myself.” Craig looked up at the stars, enjoying their soft light. “Tweek never found out that it was because of him, I told none of my friend that it was him. On my birthday I got the surgery and since then not much changed. I’m friends with him and I meet him at least once a week. And that’s the whole story.”

“You told no one?”

“No one.”

“But you told me?”

“Well, I guess?” Kyle chuckled lightly at that and leaned back up, hugging himself lightly and looking down at the asphalt under him. His smile turned grim and he glanced at Craig.

“I have something to confess,” Kyle mumbled lightly, looking at Craig’s eyes. “I… I have Hanahaki, too.”

Blue eyes widened and Craig looked at him in shock, not wanting to believe it. “…What? But you-“

“Today was a good harmless day, I took so long to put the Donut Maker away because I coughed out some of the blossoms.. I.. I didn’t tell the others yet, but don’t worry, I will.” He looked up and smiled softly at the man next to him. “A secret for a secret, I guess.” A sad, hopeless chuckle erupted from Kyle’s throat and for the first in a long time Craig felt something shatter inside him.

Over the weeks Craig kept telling Kyle to confess to the man he fell in love but Kyle didn’t want to so Craig instead demanded to know who it was. But the redhead didn’t tell him, said that it was a secret and no one should now, that it was hopeless anyway. One evening, when Craig was thinking about a way to convince Kyle to get surgery, his phone rang and he saw the selfie he and Kyle made when they were in the garden together. He fast picked up, already wanting to rant about the redhead’s stupidity but Kyle’s mouth was faster.

“Wendy is in the hospital, its happening.” That was all Craig needed to hear to get to his car, only asking which hospital and if someone needed to be picked up. It was Cartman who needed to drive, his driving license was taken away after being caught drunk driving.

The drive was uncomfortable for both of them, Craig didn’t have much to do with Cartman because he was, simply said, a giant asshole. He tried to stay as much away from him as possible and therefore had nothing to talk with him about. But that wasn’t necessary anyway because he was having an inner conflict with himself, mumbling silently while looking out of the window. Some sentences Craig could hear thou, like ‘it’s not my fault that I’m not in love with her’, ‘She should have just gotten that surgery’. Craig agreed but the brunette didn’t need to know this. It wasn’t Cartman’s fault, no one could take responsibility for someone falling in love with them, he couldn’t just change his feeling. And a fake relationship just to look if it would work out didn’t work with Hanahaki, it was either everything or nothing. And in most cases it was nothing.

After driving for twenty minutes they arrived at the hospital, both jumping out and running inside after parking the car. Kyle and the others were sitting in the waiting area, most of them crying. Kenny tried to comfort Stan who was hiding his face in his boyfriend’s neck, Heidi and Butters tried to calm down Bebe whose face turned into rage when seeing Cartman. “You!” She yelled while jumping up, stomping towards the newly arrived men. “Why can’t you just return her feeling?!” Butter and Heidi jumped up to hold her back, making sure she couldn’t hit the taller man. “She’s such a wonderful person you don’t deserve her! SO WHY DON’T YOU RETURN HER FEELING?!”

“I can’t do anything, Bebe!” Cartman shouted back, grinding his teeth together, “Do you think I didn’t try to fall for her the last weeks?! I really wanted to but I can’t! I tried, there’s no more I can do!”

All of them looked at Cartman in shock, Kyle’s usually green eyes, now red from crying, where filled with tears while looking at his roommate. “She…” He said softly, trying to control his emotions, “She wants to see you… You should hurry, she... she’s almost…” Kyle couldn’t finish the sentence and Craig rushed to his side, trying to comfort his friend while Heidi told Cartman the room number and he ran off, leaving the others behind.

Everyone knew what was happening with Wendy in that room because everyone learned about it in school, on the internet, movies. Wendy’s lungs were filled with beautifully blooming flowers, filling them and scratching them from the inside. They grew much faster the last few minutes before death, suffocating the sick person and making them feel dizzy with the lack of oxygen. Most people wanted to be with the person they loved before leaving this cruel world, some were able to talk normally while others just rambled on and on. Some confessed while others took their secret to their grave because why telling when it wouldn’t help anyway?

An hour later Cartman came back, tears running down his cheeks and everyone understood. It was over, Wendy was gone, died from unrequited love and even thou that was cruel, all Craig could think about that in just a few months he will be in this hospital again, crying over Kyle. He looked down at the man next to him who was trying to control his tears, it didn’t work, they kept coming and the redhead cursed lightly under his breath. Craig hugged him, holding his friend close and stroking through his hair for comfort, if he comforted himself or Kyle, he didn’t know but soon Kyle’s sobs were silenced and they all got back home.

During the time the funeral got planned Kyle’s condition got worse, too. He started to cough up flowers, no blood or stems yet but those would follow soon enough, it was like crows were watching their pray weaken before getting down to it, eating it barely alive. Craig kept trying to convince Kyle to be smart, to get the surgery and live a life he could be proud of, where he finds a cure for this damn sickness. But Kyle kept declining.

One evening they were in Craig’s living room, watching a movie and it was the first time Craig was able to see the flowers Kyle coughed up. It was Lilac, his favorite flower when he still could like things, now he hated it after coming out of Kyle’s throat, accompanied by the first drops of blood. His eyes were wide and the redhead apologized but Craig just shook his head, asked him again to get the flowers out but Kyle didn’t even answer him anymore.

“What else did you love?” The smaller man suddenly asked while staring at the T.V. in front of him, “Before your surgery.”

Craig didn’t need to think much about it and just went with the question. “Guinea Pigs, I had one, her name was Stripe. I loved her so much, probably more than Tweek in some way, she was one of the reasons I got the surgery. She didn’t deserve to be left behind just because I fell in love. But… I couldn’t love her anymore and gave her to my sister, I still cuddled her but it just wasn’t the same. She was my last guinea pig.”

Kyle glanced at him and his eyes seemed like they had given up, light bags under his eyes from night that were interrupted from coughing and vomiting flowers. His already pale skin was even paler, making his freckles and red hair stand out much more than before. “What else?”

“Space, it was fascinating, you know? Not knowing what is out there, it gave me a kick and I loved it, one of the few topics I really was interested in,” he chuckled lightly when he thought back to smaller Craig, sitting in a planetarium with big shiny eyes and watching the stars and planets, the galaxies. “And Red Racer.”

“The show?”

“Yeah, stupid, right? But well, I can’t explain it, at least not anymore, now it just looks like some stupid show to me.” Kyle watched Craig from the other side of the couch, nodding lightly while looking down. “I’m scared…”

The noirette’s eyes were fixed on his friend and he sat up, scooting a bit closer. “You should confess.”

Kyle shook his head, his curls moving swiftly with it. “No, he doesn’t love me, I know it. It’s… I don’t want him to feel bad for the time I’m still here…”

“Kyle, ple-“

“Craig,” he interrupted him, tired green eyes staring into blue, “No, I’m sorry. I really am but… can’t we just enjoy the time I have left…?” There was a kind of despair in Kyle’s eyes that Craig couldn’t understand. He didn’t get why his friend didn’t want this surgery, didn’t want to save himself from a painful death. Kyle will leave everyone close to him behind, his friends, his family, himself just because some jerk didn’t love him. It was like Wendy all over again but more frustrating because other than Cartman the person Kyle loved probably wouldn’t even try to love him.

A few seconds passed before Craig opened his mouth to answer. “Yeah… yeah okay let’s do that. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize, I get it,” the redhead smiled in a sympathetic way and the older man was stunned, usually it should be him calming and comforting Kyle but in the end it was the other way around. “I told the others, by the way. They understand, they’re sad but they understand.” Craig just nodded and leaned on his side against the armrest of his couch and when he noticed that Kyle didn’t shift into a comfortable position he looked over to him. The redhead was looking at him with a faint blush on his cheeks. “Can we… cuddle? I think I.. I need this right now?” Craig stared at him questionable and an uncomfortable atmosphere started to spread. “Okay, forget it, that was weird, Sor-“

“Sure, c’mere,” Craig mumbled, turning on his back and opening up his arms for the other to lie down on top of him. Kyle hesitated for a moment and seemed to think this through one more time before giving in and placing himself on top of the taller man. Strong arms wrapped around Kyle’s back and one of them slide up to stroke through the red curls and untangle some of the knots that were formed. They lay in silence and peace and while Kyle relaxed enough to fall into a light sleep that he missed out at night Craig thought about the asshole whose fault Kyle’s sickness was.

Bells of the church rang, announcing a funeral that was about to be held and the guests, most of them sniffling away after losing such a beautiful soul, stepped inside to get a seat. Craig was outside, wearing a black suit and smoking his last cigarette, he wanted to give up on smoking after this one because why survive a deadly disease and then get another one? That was simply dumb. He looked up at the sky while blowing out the smoke that filled his dry mouth. The sun was shining, mocking him because such a sad day would have deserved a fitting weather like rain but it was summer and no rain in sight, the sky as blue as ever.

After throwing the burnt cigarette in an ashtray that stood at the doors of the church the blackhead entered the building, searching for Kyle. Soon enough he saw red curls in one of the rows at the top, unsure if he should allow himself to sit by them Craig scratched his neck. He didn’t know Wendy as good as the others, met her only a few times after the BBQ Party in the students’ garden, maybe he wasn’t welcome by her closest friends. But when he decided to take a seat at the back Stan turned around and saw Craig shifting uncomfortably. Stan’s eyes were underlines with red, marks of crying stained his eyes but he smiled softly, almost comfortingly, at Craig and waved him over to them. With a nod the older man walked up to the bench and greeted the others with the lift of his hand before sitting down next to Kyle.

“How are you?” He whispered in the student’s ear, lightly leaning closer to him.

“Horrible, I hate funerals,” Kyle mumbled his answer, staring at the altar at the top where people where preparing stuff. An Urn was positioned at the front, flowers surrounded it, mostly tulips and dark red flowers. Next to the flowers stood a picture of Wendy, smiling into the camera happily, even showing her teeth. She was beautiful and intelligent and yet the world took her away from her friends, her family, her future.

While looking a bit around Craig noticed that Cartman was nowhere to be seen so he leaned into Kyle’s personal space again. “Where’s Cartman?”

A soft, yet annoyed, sigh came from the redhead before he whispered back. “At home. He… He said he couldn’t come to her funeral. I tried to force him but he kind of broke down, saying that it’s his fault that there even has to be a funeral. We tried to calm him down, Butters stayed behind with him to make sure he will be okay. He will come to her grave tomorrow to apologize to her that he couldn’t be on her funeral..”

“Oh..” Craig leaned away again while looking ahead, watching a woman, probably Wendy’s mother, crying in front of the urn, a handkerchief near her face. With the opening of a door everyone sat down and a priest came to the altar, looking down at the bible before talking. Craig wasn’t a person who believed in God or other greater goods, there was no logic behind that so he wouldn’t believe it. But the words of the priest were comforting, giving hope for all the grieving people in the church and telling of better days to come. And it was true, live goes on and you learn how to deal with the pain, some better than others, and you laugh again, go out again and live. Life means healing.

The funeral went on and people were crying, some louder and some quieter, but time went on and soon it was over. The priest eventually stopped talking and the urn war carried away, people following, Craig stood up and took a few steps but noticed that Kyle didn’t move. So he went back to him, took his seat next to the red head and stared ahead. They sat silently next to each other, the church filled in colorful lights from the sun that was shining in through the windows. It was cruel in the most beautiful way.

“It’s getting worse,” Kyle finally spoke, wetting his lips in the poor attempts to strengthen his hoarse voice. He was trembling again while looking at his hands, plucking at a handkerchief and tearing it apart out of nervousness. “There are hems and leaves now, blood, so much blood. I can feel them growing, you know, feel how the air in my lungs try to find the space it needs but there is almost no space left.”

“Kyle,” Craig turned to his friend with a light frown and Kyle’s face was illuminated by the light, making him look like a holy figure in a book, a tragedy. “You have to confess, please, there is no chance that someone can’t like you in that way. There is- This all..! It’s bullshit, okay? Confess.” A shook of the head. “Do it for Stan, so there’s a chance that he won’t lose his best friend, do it for Kenny, for Butters, god damn, do it for Cartman! Do it for me!” There was desperation in his voice, one that could break hearts.

Kyle was silent, minutes passed and the sun was covered by clouds, darkening the building and making the atmosphere cold. Finally, Kyle moved his head, nodding lightly while biting his lips and Craig sighed in relieve. He leaned back against the wooden bench and he chuckled softly. “Who even is that person you love? Some other student?”

Silence. Again. Until the sound of someone sitting up and turning filled the room and when the silence came back Craig turned to look at Kyle. And he froze.

Those green eyes were staring at him, littered in a sad but loving way, those eyes were mocking Craig, they were telling him the story of a boy who fell in love. Of a boy who didn’t want to fall in love with that person but he still did. Because love does what it wants, love beats you up till you can’t stand anymore and even then, when you’re on the ground, it kicks you in the guts. Love is cruel and yet so magical.

“No,” mumbled Craig to himself, not wanting to believe those eyes. “No, no, no. Kyle, no.” Kyle bit his lower lips, tears filling his eyes and immediately spilling out, running down the pale cheeks and a loud sob escaped his lips. “Please, please tell me that… No.”

“I’m sorry, Craig, I’m so sorry,” Kyle cried out, not even trying to hold back the tears that kept streaming out of his eyes. He looked hurt, in pain and so apologetic.

“Shit!” Craig cursed, stroking his hand through his hair before looking at Kyle again who was rubbing at his eyes. “Kyle, you need to get this damn surgery!”

“But I don’t want to!”

“Why not?!” Craig stood up and stepped out of the row, walking up and down in frustration. “Kyle, I _can’t_ love you! I wish I could but I can’t, I will _never_ be able to return your feelings, you will die! You will die because you fell in love with me, someone who is not capable of loving!”

“But I don’t want to get rid of those flowers, I don’t want a life where I can’t feel any love!” He screamed back, now standing up too but staying in the row. His eyes were red from crying and constant rubbing over the day, his body was trembling terribly and hair unruly from stroking through it throughout the funeral. “I can’t live a life like that, Craig, I just can’t. I’d turn into one of the statistic, into one who ends his life because he got rid of those flowers.”

“Kyle, you are dying!”

“I KNOW THAT!”

“Kyle, look, you can- shit, I don’t know. When you will die by suicide anyway then why not get the surgery?”

“Are you stupid? You’d rather see me kill myself than dying from some damn flowers?!”

“What, no, I- God, of course not,” groaned Craig while rubbing with his fingers over his eyes, annoyed from the situation and angry because Kyle wouldn’t listen to hm. “That was stupid, sorry. I’m just frustrated, okay?”

“Well, yeah, me too!” Exclaimed Kyle angrily, watching the older one walking up and down like a tiger in a cage.

“Then why don’t you get the surgery?” It almost sounded like begging and with a loud exhale the redhead walked over, making the other stop with his pacing. Cold hands were placed on both sides of Craig, forcing the other softly to look down and into green eyes. Kyle was so cold when he used to be so warm.

“Because I love you,” he whispered with a soft smile on his lips, “Because it feels so good to be in love with you even thou I know that there is no chance for me, for us. I feel so giddy and happy when I’m with you, so warm, it’s like all the bad things in the world disappeared.” Craig was staring at Kyle with wide eyes, that smile looked so real and it almost felt like he wasn’t sick, that he wasn’t in the constant process of dying. “I love you, Craig Tucker, and I gladly accept those flowers in my body, I will greet death like an old friend and hug him when he comes to get me. Because I was able to love you.” Kyle stroked with his thumbs over Craig’s cheek, the smile still on his lips when Craig leaned down, connecting his chapped lips with soft ones.

The kiss was light, closed, no passion or itchy needs, just lips carefully moving against one another, bathing in the feeling. Craig never felt how it is to be loved because it was never returned and the thought of Kyle feeling the same killed him. He wanted to love him but he couldn’t. Slowly, Craig pulled away, looking at Kyle whose eyes were closed and an almost blessed smile on his lips, his hands still on the blackhead’s cheeks. When he opened his eyes the tears were still there, his skin was still cold and pale but he looked happy. Craig knew that Kyle was ready for what was to come, he accepted it a long time ago and now Craig could accept it, too.

This kiss was Kyle’s last chance, Craig’s last chance. A chance for both to live, a chance that wasn’t supposed to work out from the beginning.

And both knew it.

Craig and Kyle spend even more time together, almost every free minute they had was spend with the other. Sometimes they hanged around to watch a movie, sometimes they went to a café to eat cake and drink a bit. But most of the time they were in Craig’s garden, watching the bees work, the flowers bloom and the nature display its beauty.

The others knew that it was Craig who Kyle was in love with and at some point Stan got angry, saying that it was his fault for Kyle dying but he apologized immediately after calming down. Kenny explained that those two were always the closest, not even he had a chance against their friendship. Cartman asked Craig how he felt about the situation and he could only shrug, knowing that Cartman knew exactly how he felt. Butters kept acting normal, not changing his behavior around anyone, he was the only one who did what Kyle asked for. He ignored Hanahaki completely.

One day Craig and Kyle sat in the garden and took care of the weed that was spreading wildly when Kyle hummed lightly. “My Orchid is still alive, by the way. Standing proudly on my desk in my room.”

“I know, I saw it the last time I was in your room, looked good and healthy. I’m proud of you,” Craig glanced over at the redhead, both wearing gloves and a sunhat to protect them from the burning heat of the summer sun. Kyle turned to him and showed a wide and proud grin before his face looked questionable.

“What flowers do you want to plant next? Or is the garden like, finished and the way you want it to be?”

“I think it’s never truly finished,” Craig explained while standing up and stretching, his back and knees hurting from the position he was on. “I have to restart after every winter and since a few weeks I got a free patch again, I don’t know what to plant there yet. Maybe something I don’t have in the garden yet, something new.” He shrugged lightly and turned to Kyle completely who stood up, too. “I’m hungry, want to invite the others over and order something?”

“Sure, I think they’re in the garden, too, so you just have to-“ A sudden coughing fit surprised Kyle who fast turned around to cough into his fist, trying to catch all the blood and flowers that were accompanying them. He kept coughing loudly and Craig frowned, taking a step towards the hunched over man. That’s when he heard him heaving for air loudly, his hands on his throat and making sounds like someone was chocking him, fighting for the air he needed to breath. Fast Craig ran over to him, laying his hands on his shoulder and looking at Kyle’s face that was displaying a kind of horror Craig has never seen before.

It was happening.

“Shit!” He looked around in panic and threw the gloves away while Kyle slowly walked inside. They made a plan shortly after Wendy’s funeral so they could immediately act when Kyle’s last stage started. “Stan! Kenny! Butters! Cartman! It’s happening! Hospital, NOW!” He shouted over the fence that was separating his garden from theirs and he immediately heard them running inside. Craig turned around and ran towards Kyle, helping him to his car and getting inside. “Everything will be okay, we will get to the hospital and they will help you.” Those words were spoken not exactly for Kyle but for Craig instead, he tried to calm himself down to drive safe enough to not get into an accident.

While driving he noticed that the others were following him in the car behind and when they arrived they parked and jumped out. Craig carried the heaving Kyle inside the hospital, they were there before, telling about the situation so they could react faster once it happened. They brought Kyle into a room where Craig could put him down on a bed, a doctor gave him an oxygen mask, forcing the air inside his lungs so he could breathe a bit better again. Everyone knew it was just a small help, that it wouldn’t buy them a lot of time but like that Kyle could talk some last words.

“It’s okay,” Kyle mumbled at the five people that were standing in front of his bed, sobbing and sniffing loudly, everyone was crying, everyone except Craig. He just stood there, not really knowing what to do because Kyle was in the hospital, he lay in a bed ready to die. And Kyle was okay with that. “It will be over soon.”

“Don’t say that,” Stan sobbed out, getting closer to his best friend and taking his hand carefully. “Please don’t say that you idiot.” The redhead chuckled lightly at him while squeezing his hand in comfort. “You should have gotten this damn surgery.”

“Don’t say that,” Kenny mumbled behind his boyfriend after stepping closer, “It was his decision, probably the most important one he ever made. Don’t let that be the last words you said to him.”

Stan sobbed loudly again, rubbing his arm against his eyes to stop the tears that were flooding out of his blue eyes. “Yeah.. Okay..” He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice long enough to talk properly. “Kyle? You are my super best friend, the best one in the whole wide world and this will never change, you hear me? Never. Even when you’re gone you’ll stay my super best friend and once I’m with you again we will make another BBQ Party in our heaven Garden- Wait, do Jews believe in heaven?” Kenny shrugged which made Kyle chuckle again. “Well, doesn’t matter now because I don’t care where we meet again. I just want you to know that we’ll meet again, o-okay?” Stan’s voice broke on the last word and he leaned down, hugging Kyle’s thin frame close before taking a step back.

“Hey Kyle…” Kenny stepped closer, “You know that I will be there, too, right? All of us will be there then, some may take their time to arrive but we will definitely find you and then we can laugh again and watch dumb movies. It will be great and… yeah… That will be something worth dying for,” Kenny bit his lower lips and tried to force the coming tears back, losing the fight with his emotion. “I… I will step out and call your Mom, okay?”

Kyle nodded lightly. “Thanks… And be good to Stan or else I will come and haunt you,” he joked with a small grin that made the others laugh before Kenny stepped outside to inform the Broflovski family. They wouldn’t arrive soon enough.

Butters stepped forward and hugged Kyle tightly while crying openly, his eyes completely red already. “Gosh, Kyle… I-I don’t know what to say… I… Just know that I’m so glad for knowin’ you and… thank you so much for helpin’ me when I needed help and.. and I wish I could do somethin’ but I can’t…” He cried out again and sobbed heavily into his hands. “I will miss you… and I will pray for you every night, I hope you will be able to hear it..” With another sob Butters ran out of the room, not able to stay there much longer, not able to witness his friend passing away.

“Well, I guess I’m next in the wheel of emotions because your little lover will probably be the last one to ta- OUH!” Cartman yelled out when Stan shoved an elbow in his rips, sending over an angry glare and Cartman coughed lightly before continue to talk. “Listen Jew, I never really liked you but… I’m still sorry that you have to die like that; I would have liked for my rival to stay around for a bit longer. It will be boring without you and I will miss you.” Cartman looked down at his feet but everyone could see the tears but before anyone could comment on it he turned around to leave the room. “I will check up on dumbass Butters, see ya… You too, Jew.” And then he was gone.

“What a mess…” Stan complained before looking at Kyle again, smiling softly. “I will leave you two alone now… Kyle, I… I will miss you… But it won’t be forever.”

Kyle’s green eyes were fixed on Stan and he nodded weakly and smiled just as weak at his friend. “No, it won’t be. I could never leave you alone for too long.” With a smile on his face Stan left, closing the door behind him and leaving Craig alone with Kyle. He slowly stepped closer to the bed and took Kyle’s hand, looking down at him.

“Hey,” He mumbled to Kyle.

“Hey,” Kyle echoed and raised a brow lightly before squeezing the hand that was holding it. “I’m… sorry. I don’t want you to feel guilty for any of this, those are my feelings and it was my decision to keep them.. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Craig nodded and squeezed Kyle’s hand back, slowly kneeling down to be on eyelevel with the redhead. Looking into those green eyes for as long as possible, swimming in their warmth. “You did everything right, you shouldn’t regret anything.”

“I don’t, I will never regret my feelings for you, Craig,” he licked with his tongue over his lips to wet them a bit. “I love you, Craig Tucker, so much. It’s not just a small crush but real utter love, everything else would be a joke. And I hope… I hope that you will keep living and take care of those flowers and, can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Take care of Leslie.”

“Leslie?”

“My Orchid, the one in my room,” clarified Kyle with a soft smile.

“Ah, you finally gave her a name,” Craig breathed a chuckle, smiling at Kyle who grinned lightly at him, using all the strength he had left.

“Yeah, I wanted to give her one before it was too late,” he coughed lightly, a blossom coming out and he sighed lightly. Craig carefully lifted the oxygen mask up to take it away before placing it down again.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Craig stroke with his thumb over Kyle’s hand, he didn’t want him to feel alone for the last minutes, he wanted Kyle to know that he was there till the very end.

“I’m scared…” breathed Kyle out, panting lightly and trembling again, “I thought I wouldn’t be but I am…” Craig squeezed his hand tighter and Kyle looked directly at him. “What… What do you think will be there…?”

“Something beautiful,” Craig assured him, looking like he knew what happened after death, what was waiting for everyone whose heart stopped beating in their chest. “Probably a big field with the freshest grass, flowers everywhere and the people you lost, even the animals that were gone. They’re waiting for you to return to them, to be with them for eternity and laugh, dance, eat and drink. To have a simple good time together.”

“That sounds great….” Another heavy cough, blood sprinkled in the mask and the machine next to Kyle started to beep faster and Craig straightened up.

“Kyle?” Green eyes were on him. “I… I hope that once I’m with you again that… I- I will love you then. I’m sure I would have fallen in love with you when it would have been possible. And once we’re reunited, wherever that may be, I will love you in the way you deserve to be loved, I promise you.”

It was Craig who was trembling now, it were his eyes that were filled with tears and whose mouth let out sobs. Kyle was still, he was calm and he smiled at Craig while nodding happily. “I love you, Cra-“ He started to heave loudly, one hand flying to his throat while falling into a heavy coughing.

Everything was fast, suddenly the room was filled with people who were screaming at each other, some were crying and calling Kyle’s name. Craig didn’t understand much, all he could do was watch Kyle heaving and crying and coughing and dying. It only took a few minutes before the line that showed his heartbeat went flat, before the peeping mocked Craig’s ear and laughed at him in victory. When Kyle’s body stilled and he lied there on the white hospital bed that was stained with blood, lilacs surrounded him, just like the ones in Craig’s garden. Kyle looked like he made peace with himself, with his fate and he was beautiful.

Craig didn’t let go of his hand.

The funeral was just a few days later, Craig was there, wearing the same suit he wore for Wendy’s. He felt numb the whole time and stayed behind when they went to the graveyard, he laid near Wendy. It was also the day he met Kyle’s family, his mother Sheila who was crying when she met the man her son fell in love with. His father Gerald who tried to act normal, to hide his anger at Craig, he thought it was his fault for his son’s death, he was a bad actor. And Ike, the adopted younger brother, a genius who told Craig that Kyle surly didn’t regret anything.

That day the sun shined down on the crying people, Stan was worse than Sheila, he cried the loudest and the longest. Kenny told Craig that they gave Kyle’s essays about the Hanahaki disease and its probable cure to professionals, said that they were shocked that they never thought about the possibility that it was a mental illness and not a pure bodily. Butters stayed near Cartman, coughing sometimes and it made everyone nervous but he said he was okay, that his throat was dry from crying. Cartman, he was silent the whole day, not one comment and he even hugged Sheila and Ike, Gerald refused to hug his son’s former bully.

Once the day was over and Craig was back home he changed his outfit into the one for the garden, Leslie standing on his coffee table in the living room. He went outside while putting on his gloves and sunhat, kneeling down at the free patch of earth with flowers beside him that he wanted to plant there. After some minutes he stood back up and looked down at them, the only ones that he will keep in the garden for the rest of his life.

Chrysanthemums.

**Author's Note:**

> Meaning of the different flowers (in Germany):  
> Tulpis: Luck, beauty, transience  
> Daffodils: Sleep, Death  
> Forget-Me-Not: The name, literally  
> Iris: Creativity, Energy  
> Anthurium: Strength, Exotic  
> Lilac: Beginning Love, Delicate bond  
> Orchid: Longing, Passion  
> Chrysanthemums: Lover beyond Death
> 
> Well!  
> I hope you enjoyed it!  
> There will be more fanfictions in the future, longer ones, and two are already finished! But not Beta read yet so they won't be posted till then! (one is Creek and One K2).
> 
> I'm a multishipper so be ready for different fanfictions filled with different ships! :3  
> So, yeah. Btw, I LOVE drama and bad endings so yeah :D  
> I'm always happy to read constructive criticism for my work so leave a comment when ya want :3
> 
> I have two Works in progress at the moment and already start looking for Beta Readers!  
> \- K2 (+ Side ships), it A/B/O (One chapter finished already)  
> \- Staig (+Side ships), it's a Sci-Fi themed one  
> One of them catched your interest? Write me on Tumblr: Natari-55
> 
> [My Tumblr!](https://natari-55.tumblr.com/)


End file.
